I start things constantly. I can't remember the last time I finished anything. I start diets, fitness regimes, studying, being tidy or something equally arbitrary but I never finish. Except a bottle of wine or maybe some kind of computer game.
My resolve only lasts as long as the voice in my head stays silent.
I woke up this morning and I felt great. I had a nice light weekend: minor wine consumption, an aerobics class and a lot of Animal Crossing and I woke up feeling positive.
Then I got to work and it went downhill but I don't know why. People were nice, I got lots done, I had some fairly successful meetings but by the end of the day I was drained having consumed nothing but empty calories. The sugar crash remains and I feel like a zombie. All I remember is the voice telling me I should have the 6th chocolate digestive. It didn't help and even as I ate it I knew it was only going to make me feel worse but I didn't stop. I never stop. I just crumble.
Still, it's often about appearances. As long as I seem the opposite of the emotional mess that I actually am, people are happy. My boyfriend is happy. My friends are happy.
And I pretend to be happy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Sweetie, I'm sorry you feel like this.
ReplyDeleteIf it helps I think most of us are just keeping up appearances; and for the most part at least those who 'seem' the happiest are just fakin' it.
As a fellow faker, I suggest we round up the most annoying happy people and throw rocks at them. Or maybe play some singstar.
xxx