To Conference or not to Conference

Working for a big company is fantastic. I work in a big team, there are lots of social events, there are opportunities to further your career in any number of foreign countries and they pay for lots of professional training.

However, it's also sucky. 'Cos I work in a big team of people who can only remember what happened if it was less than an hour ago, there is a social event every fucking week (it feels like), my email box is bombarded with 'apply for this FANTASTIC opportunity in the arse end of nowhere' mail and I'm being hounded about when I'll be taking my next exams even though I'm only notionally going through the motions to keep them off my back (fail).

However, I can put up with all of this (it's par for the course if you don't work for yourself I suppose) if it weren’t for The Conference. My company loves a conference. Fucking LOVES one. Team Leader Conferences. Area Leader Conferences. Assistant Team Leader Conferences (wtf?). Finance Conferences (scintillating). Conferences by Brand. Regional Conferences. You name it, they've got a conference for it. They even combine the Christmas party with a conference so spend a SATURDAY listening to the company indoctrination spiel and then spend the night getting inappropriately drunk because they've only given you 3 finger sandwiches for lunch and some chicken goujons for dinner. My manager has been to in excess of 4 conferences this year owing to a large amount of overlap in her role. It's MARCH!

I have the dubious honour of being an 'Assistant Team Leader' and I am currently fabricating excuses to get out of the upcoming 'ATL Conference'. A Hen Weekend is winning at the moment. I wouldn't mind but during the last year, owing to my being in Finance, being an Assistant Team Leader & taking the internal ‘Leadership’ training (read: total guff) I have participated in the same 'Change Management' session three times. It was wank the first time.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm cynical or cold as I feel like the outsider so often. It's always me being negative and not joining in. But when I think about the alternative (never ending hangovers, the lack of cash from buying endless rounds of shots and the knowledge that everyone in 'Support' knows what I look like dancing to Ice-Cube) I think I'll continue to do the bare minimum to stay under the ‘not one of us’ radar. I daresay that there will be many hen weekends, family gatherings and birthdays to pull out of the bag when necessary over the next few years.